An Early Gift

 

A couple of weeks ago, a novelist friend of mine was feeling a tad tired and…unclever, to coin a nonexistent word. Would that my own muse were so coy, instead of so frequently absent. This friend is also, apparently, someone much given to poking things with sticks, and has become quite good at it. In a fit of apathy, he threw caution to the winds and just decided to post something generic, in hopes of generating a little dialog.

What follows is, if I may be so bold, collective genius. The thread was probably inevitable, being as most of the participants have known each other for 25 years or more, and will willingly follow each others’ lead to the gates of literary hell. Moreover, it’s proof that when you get a group of naturally creative thinkers together, great things can happen. For me personally, it was a wonderful early gift this Christmas, for which I thank each and every one of them.

Enjoy! The names have been changed to initials to protect the guilty. 

 

RSM: (Insert witty, philosophical and socially relevant statement here, followed by clever banter when readers agree or disagree with the statement afterwards.).

BRB:  equally witty, yet exceedingly dry with a hint of satire reply.

BB: Cogent reply encompassing not only original post but first reply, tinged with a small bit of cynicism and stoicism which does in fact agree/disagree with original topic and statement in its entirety.

PP: I am behind you 100% on this and expect to be stunned and amazed when TC weighs in either agreeing or disagreeing with me.

TG: Fnord'!

MS: non sequitur yet surprisingly insightful response.

RSM: Insightful commentary that expertly compares all responses to date and makes some observations that will turn out to cover comment yet to be made while maintaining the witty repartee that so many have come to expect from random musings

TD: Sarcasm FTW

TC: Glib retort to PP's completely misinformed speculations, then whimsical digressions into quaint homespun colloquialisms. Harsh, self-deprecating rejoinder for being rude to old friends, who, frankly should have known better.

TSS: Trolling comment meant to stir up anger. Tenuous logic.

TC:  Snarky diatribe, culminating in hilariously funny but physically impossible anatomical reference, resulting in poster suffering from incontinent spasm, which he carefully neglects to relate to the other thread readers.

TSS: Spurious, offensive reply with arrogant, egotistical, better-than-thou language.

TG: Discourse on unreasonable and unprovoked commentary that weighs in on un-related topics within parameters of obtuse references and poor etiquette! Not to mention speculative opinions based on unfounded and un-important indoctrinated media opinions that are socially unacceptable yet forwarded on social networks within clauses that have no facts. All of which is controlled by illuminati and Discordian influences that bring forth another round of Fnord'..!

TC: Pseudo-intellectual rebuttal to TG's soliloquy, replete with CAPITALIZED TERMINOLOGY, and various links to unsavory but nevertheless reliable websites to provide illusion of authoritative knowledge of previous unrelated topics, after which poster rests upon oddly moist laurels.

TSS: Self righteous indignation, random religious reference. Threats and accusations of prejudice. Emphatic exclamation points.

TC: Sarcastic onomatopoeia, followed by loathsome query into TSS's upbringing, education and intellectual prowess.

TD: more sarcasm?

TC: Didactic digression into meritless speculation regarding TD's ancestry. Amusingly sardonic and apoplectic phrasing followed by yet another incontinent episode for the poster, after which a change of wardrobe is in order.

RSM: Quiet and very personal musings on just exactly what insanity the original poster sparked with his brilliant musings while pondering exactly how to point out that TC is in need of yet another change of clothing while cleverly making witty remarks to disguise the fact that the writer of the first post had forgotten where the Fnord comment came from.

TC: Rampant confused muttering regarding just exactly WHAT THE BLOODY HELL FNORD MEANS. Parenthetical sighing as poster regretfully decides to do the stupid research himself.

PP: Clever but terribly obscure movie reference.

TC: Inane commentary regarding past movie attendance, including makeup of party, which ones never paid their fair share, and various suspicions of just exactly who was responsible for the seat-clearing effluvia near the end of the presentation. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

TG: Repartee of musings of having been involved with people in movie that has been discussed while telling war stories about said actors in embarrassing events that they would not like me telling about them.. Meanwhile back to the ramblings about my D&D character..

PP: Arcane comment only Thomas would catch, but Robert would pretend to.

RSM: Deliberately obfuscatory comments designed to engender confusion while avoiding referencing the arcane movie reference while bringing up witty and entertaining stories to avoid the fact that the poster might have been responsible for the effluvia mentioned earlier since I had a sardine and peanut butter sandwich on the night in question, while angrily asserting that I always paid and that someone who shall remain nameless (TC) always snuck in through the fire escape.

TG: Smart-alec remark about how my cats (which I would discuss the individual cats personalities in detail at length) would thoroughly understand not only PP's comment, and RSM's discomfort, but the felines in question would have instinctive knowledge of Fnord conspiracies, and the intricacies of Discordia since cats are alien beings too.

PP: Points out that "fire trap" might prove more accurate.

TG: *facepalms* on previous commentary from original poster...

TC: Holds forth verbosely on floor plan of Pike Triple and drive in, while waxing nostalgic about KS always letting poster, and some more nubile companions, in for free. RIP KS.

PP: Disagrees violently that TC was ever nubile, no matter how many movies he was comped.

TC: Regales PP with old Laser Tag stats that indicate PP has brown eyes for good reason. Admits candidly that poster does not honestly remember what color PP's eyes actually are, followed by long-winded dissertation on various attributes of aforementioned nubile companions.

TG: (RIP - Both TS & KS)

RSM: Gives long winded discourse on said nubile companions and the qualities that ensured them free entry while hotlining a Red Bull in memory of a long departed but never forgotten friend while idly trying to remember exactly what color eyes PP actually has. Segues into fond memories of laser tag and bottle rocket wars while extolling original poster's more than capable athletic abilities while good naturedly poking fun of TC's. Briefly wonders if this is turning into a modern version of the old Python "Joke that never ended."

RSM: (Amen TG. Hoist one of whatever your having for old friends taken too soon.)

PP: Hearkens back to the good old days when he was voted most likely to get laid at a lesbians convention, ruing the day he eventually added lesbians to his circle of friends only to realize such an invitation would not be forthcoming. Shakes fist impotently at the sky, damning reality for intruding on his fantasy.

TG: Stop the War - Plaid Camels...!

And then, the next day…

TC: Whilst resuming stale thread the following day, wags literary, 'I told you so' finger at PP, after which said finger is sniffed to verify sanitation, and in fond remembrance of past indiscretions with aforementioned nubile companions of somewhat questionable sexual orientation. Maintains plausibility of male lesbianism at length with numerous graphic literary illustrations.

PP: Be like the twenty second elephant with heated value in space. Bark!

In fond memory of the Shipman Brothers, old friends, done too soon.